so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
