i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
