I think i peed on brittanys purse
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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