I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
