you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
