I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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