I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
