Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
