She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
