All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
