I hope mine doesn't look like that
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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