Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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