apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
