I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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