dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
