I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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