Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize