Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
