If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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