Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
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