I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
