maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Randomize
