Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hippo gnu deer
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
