ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize