When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I believe in your delicious
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
