HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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