My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize