Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
