i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize