So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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