oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
