Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
