My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
