38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
