sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
