I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize