So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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