i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize