Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
