I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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