I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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