today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
