pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't turn off my feet"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
