do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
