apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
