Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize