he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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