yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
