i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
