We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She bit a glass in half.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
