i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
