i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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