1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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