i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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