Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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