Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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