hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your cock deserves a montage
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
this is an emotional support booty call
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
