i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
