found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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