i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
