I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
