season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
