Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
