I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
