Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
