One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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