Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Found your dick twin last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
