I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
