God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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