Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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