she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
