Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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