That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
